I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
