I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
