I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
