You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
