And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
