It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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