I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
