I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
