just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
