Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
