READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
