i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
