I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
