Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
