She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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