She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize