You really coming over, don't trick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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