you traded sex for a burrito?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize