Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
