We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
