I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
