I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
