Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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