who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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