The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
