her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found a bag of teeth...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
