Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
