I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im holly from the hills drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
