So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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