yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This house was built for laser tag.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
