can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
