I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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