I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
