I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
