There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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