We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
