Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize