it hurts more in the daytime
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
