drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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