Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
