just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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