u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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