Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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