Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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