i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think people are normalizing furries
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