Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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