this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
