She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have to summon your inner elephant
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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