you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A+ Viking dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
