You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
