his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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