I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
