she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
