maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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