you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
