If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
