I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
