Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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