just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
