Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
