i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
