Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I intend to get homeless drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
