it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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