Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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