this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
