Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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