I'm going to jail i love you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
