Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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