I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dicks are not precious.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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