I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
