didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
