I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Randomize
