This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
