i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
