Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
