I wish I only lived at night.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
